Using Common Sense Volume 1- When you are a major public official and you are cheating on your wife.

I know everybody's gotten on the Mark Sanford thing already, but in the interest of delving into a topic that is relevant to something in the news, I'm going to do it. The only problem is that there is just so much to say about it! I really want to deconstruct it from every angle.

Angle #1 - Cheating on your wife when you have made a name for yourself condemning other people for cheating on their wives, and also being an adulterer who wants to make laws restricting marriage rights.

Didn't Jesus say something about casting the first stone? I'm not religious, but there is no bigger hypocrite than the man who is involved in something he has publicly condemned.

On that same note, do you know what sanctity means?? It's a pretty big, important word. If you don't take your own marriage seriously, how can anybody take your views on marriage seriously? Maybe it's time for sanctimonious people to look in the mirror before they condemn other peoples' sexuality.

Angle #2 - Choose your mistress more wisely.

Mark, you couldn't get somebody local?? You couldn't fly this lady in from Argentina? This is going to tie into my next angle, but seriously, you really blew it with this. It was too much work.

Angle #3 - Disappearing mysteriously.

Just dumb. Everybody wanted to know where you were. You need a better cover story. On top of that, and this ties into the next angle, you need to stop leaving a trail. You left your car at the airport parking lot. Take a cab. My old boss made me drive him to the airport once, and I didn't even get paid for it. You couldn't do that?? Nobody in the world would have known he was gone except me, and I keep my mouth shut when reporters ask me questions.

Like I told somebody after the Eliot Spitzer mess, for half a million dollars I could probably take the fall for something that wouldn't really be embarrassing to me but would ruin your career. I COULD BE THAT GUY. Again, I'm not saying I approve of anything you did, see Angle #1, but none of this stuff is world ending and for a whole lot of money I could have really helped you out.

Angle #4 - DO NOT USE YOUR WORK E-MAIL!

What were you thinking? Politicians are supposed to represent the best of us, and they keep getting caught the same way! Don't you know the IT guy just has to basically type CTRL+F and type the word "boobs" or "sex" or something and all the dirty e-mails show up on his computer? They said they considered you for McCain's VP, but I'm sure your IT guy was just waiting for you to be involved in a national race to blackmail the hell out of you. A prepaid cell phone and a secret computer won't set you back like Spitzer's whores, so nobody's going to investigate you for paying for them with cash. Get a super slim computer, use random wifi networks in the parking lot at McDonalds or Starbucks, and hide the thing when you aren't using it.

Again, I'm not approving of anything, but if you are going to do something, at least do it right. It just disappoints me that people make the stupidest mistakes. I think cheating on your wife is an awful thing, I think lying to your family and your constituency is awful, and I also think that an acting governor needs to let everybody know where he's going to be just in case something happens. It's an important job. But if you can't take the simplest of steps to hide a scandal, you are not smart enough to be the governor. It's a simple test, and you failed.